I am hearing from more and more of you, and after a chat with my friend Ranae, it is becoming quite clear that this is the summer adult children are descending upon us like locus.  Maybe they arrived back home because they could no longer afford rent, maybe they lost their job and had to return to the nest, perhaps they just graduated from college only to discover their degree isn’t going to help land the job they had hoped for in this challenging economy, or maybe they are just home for the summer between semesters?   Whatever the reason may be, more and more adult children are living at home these days.

We thought we needed an owner’s manual when they were born!   Ha!  Where is the guidebook to help navigate this ever-shifting landscape???   What exactly are the rules?   We are all adults here, but somehow I found myself reminding grown people to pick up their towels and stop leaving a trail behind them.

My husband, father of these two lovely offspring who descended upon us last summer, reached his breaking point.  After nagging and painstakingly pointing out that the dishwasher is mere inches from the sink, and that the dishes must actually be loaded into the dishwasher—not just be left in the sink—hung a sign.

Maybe next we can tackle grocery consumption, i.e. there is a store right down the street, feel free at any point to replace some of the food you have devoured.   After that we are going to work on liquor cabinet protocol.   If we are all going to live together, Mommy must have some tequila left in the house!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I was in a store a few days ago watching a young Mom juggle three small children.  At the check out counter the woman ringing her up smiled and said “Don’t worry, it will get easier.”  I wanted to tell her the truth.

I have come to realize the unspoken truth of motherhood.  It gets harder, not easier.  When my kids were babies, I thought if I could just get them in school it would get easier.  Once they were in school I thought if I could just survive their teenage years it would get easier.  Once they were in high school it was all about hanging in there until they went to college.  They are adults now.   I am no longer in denial.

The fact is, when you put your whole heart and soul into it, involved parenting is never easy and the older your kids get the higher the stakes become.

Why don’t owners manuals come standard-issue when you give birth or adopt a baby?  Raising children raises a lot of questions.  Will a Mothers vast amount of love and dedication be enough to help make their hopes and dreams come true?  How do you keep them safe?  It is an awesome responsibility, one I have never taken lightly and one that often feels very heavy indeed.

Each age comes with each own nuances and challenges.  I am convinced the reason our babies (think adorable puppies) are so cute is simply so we won’t send them back when they are keeping us up all night. I am also convinced that the reason they turn into teenagers (think dogs) is so when they leave for college we are ready to let them go.

Just think about it, if our children stayed in the adorable puppy phase forever we would never want them to move out. Nature thought of everything and designed teenagers specifically to address that issue. Having said that, now with an empty nest I wonder where the instructions are for this next era of parenting.  That’s right—apparently the beat goes on!

And this seems to be the phase—isn’t there always a “phase” when it comes to kids—that nobody talks about.  Or should I say warns you about.  The 20 to 30 phase.  Parents all sigh together whenever teenagers are discussed and collectively cringe over the terrible two’s, but I didn’t hear much about the joys the transitional twenties.

The college years come with decisions that are bigger, consequences that are deeper, and the hope and prayer that you instilled in them the love, principles and fortitude to get through the next decade—or should I say “phase”.

As I face this scary time of letting my kids grow and take risks, I find myself taking lots of deep breaths and reflecting on when they were little. The challenges we faced then seemed so overwhelming.  I had no idea back then that potty training would be the easy part.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I would like to publicly apologize to my Dad.  You see back in the day, when I was growing up, I used to think it was down right cruel of my father to hide his stash of Pepsi from his kids—especially me!

He had gone so far at one point he actually started locking his favorite cereal and candy in a drawer in his filing cabinet.  At the time I thought it bordered on child abuse.  Now I think it was nothing short of the desperate act of a man simply trying to enjoy a cold soda.

Fast forward a few decades to my own desperate acts as a parent and you will find my own stashes hidden now too.  Just the other day I literally laughed out loud as I reached for my stash of chocolate, popcorn and Diet Dr. Pepper.  My Dad would be so proud.  My hiding place not only has a lock—but a fridge!

You taught me well old man!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

The topic of sex came up with a group of friends discussing what was too racy or offensive to put in a gift book.   The conversation made me once again grateful that the religion of my youth didn’t “take” and I was not only able to avoid a temple recommend but keep my libido!

It seems many, many women are struggling with the messages of their chaste upbringing and the desire to now have fulfilling sex lives with their husbands.

I had a friend who went to Catholic school and the nuns made sure that impure thoughts were beaten out of them – sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally … with a ruler.

When another friend finally met the man of her dreams and got married, years of chastity training left lasting impressions. She adores her husband, but still finds it difficult to really enjoy sex.  Her inhibitions make her anxious and nervous. What is natural to him seems distasteful to her.  It’s not easy to transform from being the “good girl’” to the passionate woman.

How on earth are women who are taught to treat their bodies as temples supposed to transform into sex vixens overnight once they cross the threshold of holy matrimony?

“Sex is dirty – save it for someone you love.” That pretty much sums up the mixed messages many girls receive. Talk about confusing!  What can Mother’s who are raising daughters now do to make sure they enjoy sex later?

According to Dr. Laura Berman, the talk shouldn’t only be about being moral and STD prevention and pregnancy. It’s also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure. “You don’t want her to have sex right now. … But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life,” she says. “When the time comes, she’s that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time.”

As for adults, perhaps its time to leave the mixed messages behind and follow the sentiment of Mae West who famously said, “When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.”

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

The other day I was searching all over my house for a certificate I needed to find.  It was an important document so I thought it might be in the safe.  Yet as I started pulling everything out of the safe, I had to laugh.  What is in my safe wasn’t legal papers or fancy jewelry.  My safe is filled with photo albums and old home movies.

It’s something my husband has teased me about for years.  We have ended up with bigger and bigger safes so I could fit more and more pictures and things of sentimental value—not monetary value, but irreplaceable items.

So as I searched for this document, which alas wasn’t in the safe, I had the pleasure of looking at old photos and flipping through the pages of baby books and such.  I spent time enjoying one of my most cherished gifts, a scrapbook my sister Diane gave me years ago with a collection of stories and letters she gathered from some of my family members.

The things in my safe are the items I most treasure and want to protect.  For those are the things that represent what truly matter to me.

What do you value and what to keep safe?

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Christmas just doesn’t feel the same once the kids are grown.

The magic of watching young children on Christmas morning is something to be treasured.

This year our grand-dog Fiona is providing the laughter and the magic of the season!

Happy Holidays!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

My favorite holiday tradition is getting new pajamas on Christmas Eve.  When I was a kid I loved getting the pj’s with feet in them!    I looked forward to opening up every Christmas Eve what in our home was called a “zoot suit”.

Last year I thought it would be fun if my family had the pleasure of getting zoot suits on Christmas Eve.  I couldn’t stop laughing, but oddly my kids didn’t seem to think pajamas with feet in them were so great!  Imagine that, my adult kids not loving these!   Oh well, this picture of me and Harlie and our feety pajamas still makes me smile.

I hope your holidays bring you laughter, happy memories, and the magic of the season!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Maybe your Thanksgivings tend to go kind of like a lot of mine…not quite like the Norman Rockwell paintings?

Whenever extended family tends to gather with wide ranging political and religious views it seems like we are left with the humdrum pass the salt small talk or the other extreme that ends in a heated argument or as we like to call them a loud discussion.

Maybe this year we could all try something new, just chatting and actually getting to know each other.

Let’s start with this great quote by Nancy Thayer as our talking point.  Because I truly believe it is never too late to revise—or learn something new about our friends and family.

Who knows we just might find common ground after all.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I have always been the one to say age is only a number.   My birthdays have never mattered to me.  I have decided that it isn’t actually my birthday but rather my kid’s birthdays that have started making me feel old.

I had managed, thus far, without much fuss to have several birthdays, crossing the threshold of four decades just fine.  However, as my children cross into their second decade, for some reason now the birthdays are starting to hit me—their birthdays!

Well after over two decades of the proverbial kids blaming everything on the parents, I get to blame something on them for a change—it’s their fault I am starting to feel old!   Ha!

My Dad always laughs and says; “I don’t understand how I can have kids turning 50 when I am only 49!”  His favorite joke is finally starting to make sense to me.

Let them eat cake!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I have been getting a lot of questions about my darling little grand-dog Fiona.  She is recovering nicely after her surgery.  She got her stitches out.  She has been doing her physical therapy in the swimming pool.

She is so happy to be free of the cone she had to wear for weeks and be able to play in the backyard once again, that when we try to bring her back in the house she hides in the bushes so we “can’t see her” in hopes she won’t have to come inside.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Ironically, a bird had built a nest on my patio, just as I was facing my own empty nest. Each day I watched the other bird fly off to get food for her babies. It had been my morning ritual that summer. My kids know I have a full life, actually enjoy spending time with their father, and have raised them to be independent and spread their wings. Having said that, I was still trying to wrap my head around the notion that my son was moving out, signing his first apartment lease, and heading off to college.

How did we go from swim diapers to dive master in 18 short years? Is it just me, or is there a lot more to worry about than when we left home? Did I teach him everything I needed to? Did I run out of time? It sure felt like it.

As I faced this scary time of letting go, letting my kids grow and take risks, I found myself taking lots of deep breaths and reflecting on when they were little. The challenges we faced then seemed so overwhelming. I had no idea potty training would be the easy part.

I often wonder if we are here to teach our children or if they are here to teach us? With each new challenge they face, our own comfort zones here to expand to accommodate their broadening horizons. I have learned that as our children grow so do we.

With so many of my friends facing a leap of faith this fall and that daunting task of sending a child off to college, it seemed the perfect time to share this video with you, and I hope you will share it with anyone in your life who is in the midst of spreading wings and learning to fly.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®