Several years ago I was talking with a woman I considered invincible. She was an athlete, a woman who ran marathons, went backpacking alone, and climbed mountains most only view from the ground. I was telling her how much I envied her courage and lack of fear. She looked at me and smiled, and then told me something I have never forgotten; she was afraid too. It was an amazing revelation to me that the women we admire for daring such courageous feats are really no different than us. The difference isn’t that they aren’t afraid and we are, the difference is that they do it anyway.
I always keep this quote hanging on my bulletin board, “When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” Audre Lorde.
Moving through fear can mean daring to cut off the long hair you have had all of your life or starting a new business. Sometimes we need to take a deep breath, and sometimes we may even need a push before we can take that scary leap of faith.
Perhaps it is not failure we fear, but success. Nelson Mandela once said, “Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Dig out your Helen Reddy tape (yes chances are it isn’t on CD) and sing along to I am woman hear me roar….
The other day I was searching for a photo for a new picture frame I’d just bought. I sorted through dozens of vacation snapshots—the ones I keep telling myself I will some day put in adorable scrapbooks—but for now they sit in shoe boxes.
As I poured over the pictures I had a few good laughs going down memory lane. The good times, the bad times, and the what-were-you-thinking clothes and haircuts.
Then I found the unthinkable—an old picture of me in a bikini! My husband had managed to snap a full-length shot of me on the beach. I was instantly transported back to that day almost 20 years ago. I vividly remembered changing swimming suits three or four times that morning trying to find one I thought best hid my love handles.
As I thought back about the morning, and how self-conscious I felt about wearing a bikini, I feel really stupid. Because you know what—that mother of two looked just fine. And yet I wasted precious energy and time stressing out over my not perfect body. What an idiot!
Twenty years later I would love to have that body back. That very same body I anguished over back then! It was a real ah-ha moment for me. Twenty years from now I will most likely wish I had the body back that I have today.
The reality is even the women we think have perfect bodies aren’t content. We are ALL spending way too much time on if-only. If only I wasn’t sagging here or there. If only I didn’t have stretch marks. If only I didn’t have these saddle bags.
The moral of the story is… love the body you have RIGHT NOW.
Think of all the energy we waste worrying about wrinkles, cellulite, belly pouch and gray hair. Does it really matter? NO. Never was that more clear than when I stared at that photo from two decades ago and lamented over the time and energy lost worrying about nothing. I vowed right then and there to spend my time appreciating health and well being instead of berating myself over silly things like stretch marks.
Let’s start today loving and accepting ourselves—lumps and all.
I challenge you to give yourself the gift of perspective. Go get out an old photo of yourself. Remember what you worried about back then… Not so bad, huh. So be gentler with the body you have today.
Don’t waste another minute of your precious time worrying about cellulite! That is what self-tanner is for. Ha!
I just went to lunch with a friend, and as gals do we got talking about, well everything… and it seems a lot of women are in the midst of big, bold, brave life changes right now. I think it is really exciting to see women decide they aren’t waiting anymore to start following their hearts, checking off their life lists and discovering their passions. One friend is going to become a yoga instructor, one is heading to South Africa, another is writing a book.
Our conversation got me thinking about a truly inspiring video my daughter sent me a while back that actually made me gasp out loud. And I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.
So what was so jaw dropping about this video? Well, first let me tell you that it’s a video of my daughter’s childhood best friend. Libby was like part of the family when our kids were growing up.
This awe-inspiring video will amaze you too. Take a look for yourself and see the height—literally—of bravery and determination in following a dream. And it all begins with having the courage to take that first step toward a goal, and the persistence to keep putting one foot in front of the other until we reach the other side.
We may not have the moxie to walk across a high wire nearly 3000 feet above the Yosemite Valley floor, but we all have hopes, dreams, and secret ambitions.
Have you lost your sense of adventure? Is she buried? It is time to let her out!
This month I dare you to try something new. Take that painting class you have always wanted to sign up for, go backpacking for the first time, start the business you have been dreaming about, plant the garden you have always wanted. Dare to dream, dare to have fun!
Maybe we don’t all have to walk across Yosemite, but we do have to go out on a limb in order to reach our dreams.
Sometimes on the way to your dream you get lost and find a better one. Now more than ever I am finding people are truly reevaluating life. Perhaps with our ever-changing landscape now is the perfect time to step back and ponder what other paths we might have taken, what passions and pursuits we wished we had let our hearts follow. It is okay to change our minds and it’s never too late to start.
Many years ago a friend gave me a gift with the inscription, “It is never too late in fiction or in life to revise.”
So what new adventure might you begin? What does your heart long to do? If you start something exciting be sure to comment and let me know!
I believe there are two groups of people; those who like to live with a fire extinguisher on each hip and those who don’t. I fall into the don’t category. I like to avoid those last minute fires whenever possible.
I figure life hands us enough twists and turns that can’t be prevented. I am sure as heck not going to add any fuel to the fire by being unorganized. But lately it seems I have been surrounded by the friggin fire department!
One last minute challenge after another keeps popping up and smoldering, many of which could have been prevented with a bit of organization and communication.
Good thing this don’t has a sense of humor and an extra bucket around just in case.
If you read my last posting you know I have been in need of more than a chiropractic adjustment, I needed an attitude adjustment!
I have often said when kids are crabby put them in water. I think this applies to big kids too.
When my kids were little I would instantly put them in water if they were irritable. When they were babies I would give them a bath when they were fussy. As they got older I would send them out to the pool. Their pleasing personalities soon returned.
I am a firm believer there isn’t much a bath won’t cure. Water will go a long way toward improving one’s temperament.
My favorite relaxing technique is floating. Give me a lake, pool or better yet ocean, and something to float on and I am in heaven. That is my ultimate form of relaxation. I actually count it as meditation.
Well, now we have diagnosed the problem, a case of crabby. And prescribed the cure. The doctor orders 3 hours of float time, taken once a day for 2 days. Throw in a margarita for good measure!
For several weeks I have been referring to a situation as a pain in the ass. It has been frustrating and draining. I like a drama free zone, and it has been anything but around here lately. One of those times, whether on the home front or at work we all want to look back on—not be in the middle of.
I know better, hell I write about, talk about it, and truly do get the power of our words. And here I have been week after exasperating week going on and on about what a pain in the ass this situation is.
Blame it on lack of sleep, blame it on a moment of weakness, blame it on oops I did it again, but you know how this story ends… guess who has a pain in the ass? That’s right boys and girls here it is four o’clock in the morning and I am writing about the literal pain in my ass because I can’t sleep due to the flare up of my sciatic nerve.
Who feels like a horses ass now?
Lesson learned. Note taken. A painful reminder that our words have power. Change of plans, from here to forth I shall be saying, wow I am so lucky to be learning so much from this exciting process. I am sure it’s all working out exactly as it is meant to be.
The other day I was trying to untangle a bunch of necklaces that had become twisted up together in one big ball of knots. After about twenty extremely frustrating minutes on this mess it became quite clear to me that the harder I pulled on each chain, the more ensnarled it all became.
Half an hour into this tedious project I decided to just relax and work each chain with patience. Slowly I began to tug at the ball of knotted up necklaces, winding each chain up, back, around and gently through until at long last it was free from the twisted up pile.
It dawned on me when I finished the project and hung up all five necklaces, just how much this process is like life in general. When we try to force things, pulling too hard in the wrong direction, life fights back. When we relax and go with the flow, life tends to unfold just how it is supposed to.
The next night as I put one of the necklaces on I felt pure gratification.
Not only is Mother’s Day around the corner, May 2nd was Jordan’s birthday. I feel compelled to remind everyone how precious life is and how important it is live it with passion.
Jordan Chiovarelli was one of those charismatic characters you couldn’t help but love. He was my daughter Harlie’s best friend. She adored him and he looked after her like a big brother. He was like a member of the family.
On Jordan’s last visit to Las Vegas he came to stay with us for a week. One night he and Harlie tried to convince my husband Jeff—who Jordan always called Pops—and I to go out with them. We said we were too old to hang with the twenty-something crowd, said we were too tired, said we had to go to work in the morning…but Jordan was having none of it. He was determined to drag Pops and me out on the town with them. He had a grin you couldn’t resist and a way of coaxing you into anything.
Just like Jordan convinced us to say yes that night, he always said yes to life. He loved to ride motorcycles and planned to open up a shop back in Long Island one day. He was an avid and talented competitive skier who traveled the world in pursuit of the sport that was his passion.
Jordan seemed invincible. And then early one morning the call came. Harlie on the other end of the phone telling me the unimaginable. Jordan had been killed in a motorcycle accident. That was impossible. He was so full of life.
My mind immediately flashed back to that night. I was so grateful he had convinced us to say yes. So grateful I didn’t miss out on creating those memories.
As a mother I can’t imagine anything more painful than having to bury a child. I think about his Mom every day.
In honor of her, please go hug your kids, let them know how much you love them. In honor of Jordan, go hug your Mom and let her know just how much you appreciate her, just like Jordan did. I know how much Jordan loved his Mom, Rita. In fact the last time he and Harlie were talking on the phone, he was cooking dinner for his Mom. That’s the kind of kid Jordan was.
A foundation has been established in Jordan’s honor to support the cause he was most passionate about. www.jordanchiovarellifoundation.org
This is the year I am going to stop fighting nature… I am apparently born to be a bad packer. I have spent a lifetime trying to master the art of packing. I really want to be one of those people who can show up with a small carry-on bag for a 5-day business trip. Alas, valiant efforts and hundreds of thousands of frequent-flier miles later, I am still a bad packer.
So I am surrendering! I am giving in to my bad packing ways. This year I am going to embrace my inner over-packing self. I am going to check in my luggage–filled with too many shoes and too many clothing options, and I am just going to relax and smile when they give me that judgmental look and tell me they need to weigh my bag. I am going to stop stressing out about trying to be a good packer and continue to over-pack—with abandon and joy!
Once I made this life-changing decision, the metaphorical weight of trying to be a good packer was lifted, and the literal weight of my suitcase increased. I am oh-so liberated! Now when I get my bag out to get ready for a trip, I no longer kid myself that this will be the trip I leave with only a carry-on bag. I no longer stress out about it, I simply pack what I want and stop worrying about it. Freedom!
It got me thinking about all of the things we continually try to change about ourselves. I have no doubt I lost months of my life while trying to blow-dry my naturally curly hair as a teenager back when Farah’s straight, smooth locks were all the rage.
What areas of your life could you just release and accept? Perhaps we should stop fighting our quirks and accept them as part of our endearing nature? What are you going to surrender to?
I just heard that internet searches for “spring cleaning” are up over 183%. I am not surprised. I think a lot of us are ready for a fresh start. And our closet is a great place to begin!
I’m a gal that loves order and organization. The bliss of spring cleaning is not just about getting to organize our homes, but also donating the things we don’t need. I am a firm believer that by clearing out our excess we make room for more abundance. As we let go of the old, we open the door to receive the new. Try giving away things with an abundant attitude and watch what happens!
Whenever I clean out my closet I do so with a happy heart, because I know each and every piece of clothing and pair of shoes is going to be put to good use. No need to cringe when deciding whether or not to give up that perfectly new sweater you never wear.
Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she started the tradition of Spring-Cleaning! I challenge each of you to free yourself of old baggage—literally and figuratively—that may be hanging around in your closets. I promise you’ll find it liberating! Be sure to make plenty of room for all of the abundance heading your way!
In my home we frequently use the expressions, get an “app” for that, or we need an app for that. As an iphone loving family app’s are part of our vernacular. So when I got my own apps, it was VERY exciting!!! As far as my twenty-something kids were considered mama had finally hit the big leagues!
My Stepping Stones and Permission to Dream cards are now available for your phone! (Even if you don’t have an iphone)
They are now live in these app stores: iPhone App Store, Handango, BlackBerry App World, PocketGear, Handster and Android Marketplace. And, coming soon to Windows Market and select Wireless Operators (i.e. Virgin Mobile, Bell Mobility).
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem…My name is Lisa and I am a multi-tasker and I need help.
I have taken multi-tasking to new and embarrassing heights. The look on my daughter’s face when she walked into my bathroom recently and discovered me with a curling iron in one hand, the cell phone in the other and my laptop on the counter, let me know this was not normal. I guess most people aren’t doing their hair, reviewing spreadsheets and holding conference calls simultaneously—in the bathroom?
Women can do it all, and far too often we do. I have learned to delegate, learned to say no, I’m very organized, and yet I still find myself rushing all the time.
Can you relate?
Is there a rushing rehab? A retreat for multi-tasking mavens? Or do you just have to go cold turkey?
They say if you want something done, give to a busy woman. Well, let’s stop saying that!
The topic of sex came up with a group of friends discussing what was too racy or offensive to put in a gift book. The conversation made me once again grateful that the religion of my youth didn’t “take” and I was not only able to avoid a temple recommend but keep my libido!
It seems many, many women are struggling with the messages of their chaste upbringing and the desire to now have fulfilling sex lives with their husbands.
I had a friend who went to Catholic school and the nuns made sure that impure thoughts were beaten out of them – sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally … with a ruler.
When another friend finally met the man of her dreams and got married, years of chastity training left lasting impressions. She adores her husband, but still finds it difficult to really enjoy sex. Her inhibitions make her anxious and nervous. What is natural to him seems distasteful to her. It’s not easy to transform from being the “good girl’” to the passionate woman.
How on earth are women who are taught to treat their bodies as temples supposed to transform into sex vixens overnight once they cross the threshold of holy matrimony?
“Sex is dirty – save it for someone you love.” That pretty much sums up the mixed messages many girls receive. Talk about confusing! What can Mother’s who are raising daughters now do to make sure they enjoy sex later?
According to Dr. Laura Berman, the talk shouldn’t only be about being moral and STD prevention and pregnancy. It’s also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure. “You don’t want her to have sex right now. … But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life,” she says. “When the time comes, she’s that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time.”
As for adults, perhaps its time to leave the mixed messages behind and follow the sentiment of Mae West who famously said, “When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.”
The other day I was searching all over my house for a certificate I needed to find. It was an important document so I thought it might be in the safe. Yet as I started pulling everything out of the safe, I had to laugh. What is in my safe wasn’t legal papers or fancy jewelry. My safe is filled with photo albums and old home movies.
It’s something my husband has teased me about for years. We have ended up with bigger and bigger safes so I could fit more and more pictures and things of sentimental value—not monetary value, but irreplaceable items.
So as I searched for this document, which alas wasn’t in the safe, I had the pleasure of looking at old photos and flipping through the pages of baby books and such. I spent time enjoying one of my most cherished gifts, a scrapbook my sister Diane gave me years ago with a collection of stories and letters she gathered from some of my family members.
The things in my safe are the items I most treasure and want to protect. For those are the things that represent what truly matter to me.
I am a big fan of Life Lists. My kids are always teasing me saying, “is that on the LL Mom?” That is how often I refer to my Life List!
The start of a New Year—and in this case a New Decade—is the perfect time to create or add to your Life List.
Some of the items I got to cross off my Life List in 2009 were driving up the California coast from Santa Barbra to San Francisco, writing another book, golfing 18 holes (even if it was 9 at a time), rowing, getting my friends to visit my favorite island, and stand up paddle boarding (much harder than it looks!)
One of the most fun things I did last summer was take a long weekend with my girl friends to Catalina Island. It was our annual Girls Trip and this year was extra special because one of my friends crossed something off her Bucket List—she finally went Parasailing!!! And I got to be there to witness it all. That is almost as much fun as crossing something off your own list!
It seems that we are being given reminders in both large global ways in small personal ways not to take life for granted. This year I hope we take that message to heart. Find the time, speak your love often, mend a quarrel, keep a promise, welcome a stranger.
Let’s begin this year by reflecting about the changes we want to see and then putting our intentions into action. The way we spend our time is ultimately the way we spend our lives. Devote your time and energy this year to what really matters.
What do you always think about doing, but don’t actually do?
What does your heart desire? Have you always wanted to run a marathon, take a trip to the land of your ancestors, take a photography class, learn to speak another language, plant a garden, write your history, or volunteer at a local charity?
Commit to making this be the year we actually do it! The reality is we make time for whatever is really important to us. If it is truly a priority we find, we carve out, we create the time.
It is my tradition on each New Year’s Eve to make a list of everything I want to release from the year—and burn it. It’s may way of making sure I let go whatever isn’t working for me so I can head into a New Year with a clean slate and a fresh start.
Some years my list makes it’s way to the fireplace, some years we have had a fire pit in the back yard, and some years I am lucky enough to be at the beach with a bon fire.
It’s liberating to throw your list into the fire! Try it!
So many of us are counting down the days until 2009 is over, eager to greet a new year with new hope. If 2009 has you feeling like you’ve been hit by a train, I offer up Hartley’s words of wisdom for us all.
I met Hartley last year while I was on a trip with a group of friends. Early on in the trip, I was at the hotel in the midst of arranging a taxi to pick us all up at a certain time the next morning and trying to find out about a ferry schedule. Okay, I was being my organized type A self when a man named Hartley stepped in. I explained to him I wanted to make sure we arrived at our next destination on time. He just smiled. I tried to clarify that I really needed to know what time we would need to get the taxi to pick us up in order to arrive at the ferry on time. Hartley smiled again and told me not to be in such a rush.
Hartley just kept saying we should fear not. Fear not?
My friends and I ended up talking to Hartley for almost an hour. He gave us quite a lesson in life. A sermon really. Hartley talked to us about the way it is back in his country of Dominica and how much slower and gentler things are. Fear not he preached. It will all work out. Slow down and take time to enjoy life more. Don’t worry so much he said. Learn to fear not.
The rest of the trip was pretty much a series of disastrous events—let’s just say there was plenty to be afraid of on this trip—but we listened to Hartley, feared not and laughed a lot instead!
I have decided with the fresh start of a new year on the horizon I am going to be following the wise words of Hartley the bellman and take this life lesson with me into the New Year. I am going to slow down, take a few breaths, enjoy life more.
Sounds like a great mantra for a new decade, Fear Not.
This year I was going to deck the halls, hand-write holiday greetings and actually mail them, make sugar cookies from scratch, and finish all of my shopping before Thanksgiving. Ha!
That didn’t happen.
About this time each year I think most women basically have our hair on fire. There is just so much to do! The sense of overwhelm is well…overwhelming. Can you relate?
And by the way what is the deal with Santa Claus getting all the credit? We know darn well that in most cases it’s Madame Claus that is doing most of the work!
It is the season for giving after all, so let’s try giving ourselves a break. How about this holiday season instead all the “should’s” and “have-to’s” on our list we cut ourselves some slack? Instead of super-sizing our work load this time of year, I dare you to down-size it! Besides the smaller the tree the bigger the presents will look!
The best gift of all is taking it easy on ourselves. Here’s to actually enjoying the holiday season.
This morning as I put on a pair of warm socks to guard against the chilly floors and headed downstairs to my office, I thought about how much I cherish these socks and their origin.
Those of you who have been with me from the start of this journey may remember one of the very first Making a Difference charities we ever featured in the Femail Creations catalog over a decade ago, the Rainbow Socks Project.
The year before I actually began Femail Creations I learned about a woman in Boston named Babbie who collected yarn and knitting needles to send to the women of Bosnia and Croatia so they could knit scarves and mittens and socks to stay warm. Babbie’s project gathered momentum and people from all over the country were sending her yarn and knitting needles. I went out that day and gathered up boxes of yarn and shipped them off.
What I loved about Babbie’s story was that, like so many of us, she saw a news story about women’s lives being torn apart by war, only instead of just being saddened or even angered by the story, she took action.
After Femail Creations got off the ground, I thought about Babbie and wanted to somehow use the catalog to help. I contacted her and asked how we could support the great work she was doing. She said that the women now had all of the mittens and socks they needed, however we could continue to send them supplies so that they could sell their excess socks back to us for sale here in the United States. Babbie’s generous idea, called the Rainbow Socks Project, not only provided clothing and warmth to the women but an income stream to help them rebuild their village, which was destroyed in the war.
I asked Babbie if we could feature the Rainbow Socks as our holiday 1997 charity in the catalog. I knew our customers would love the story and want to buy the socks and mittens and reach out to these women thousands of miles away. Babbie loved the idea and we immediately began working out the logistics of how to get that many socks over here.
Each pair of mittens or socks were knitted by hand, using the patterns these women had been handing down for generations, and each woman would stitch a little piece of paper with her name on it in the mitten or sock. No two were exactly alike but each one was a heartfelt work of art. (I know many of you would love to buy more of them right now, but alas they are no longer available all these many years later.)
Babbie used her personal frequent flier miles to fly over to pick up the socks herself to guarantee that we would get them here in time to sell them in the catalog. And then she did the same thing again when she brought the women their check from Femail Creations.
The women were able to reconstruct their village with the money we sent them from the mittens and socks we sold in the catalog.
When Babbie returned she sent me a gift I truly treasure, a letter and a piece of cloth. The letter explained that the piece of cloth was the first one produced by the loom they bought for the village using the money Femail Creations sent them. Babbie said they all called me the “good woman,” and told her to take this to the “good woman” who helped them rebuild their village.
A few years ago my husband and I were fortunate enough to actually visit Croatia. A very different place than it was over a decade ago. Dubrovnik is now a thriving and beautiful travel destination. It was a real full circle moment for me.
Babbie’s story still inspires me and reminds me just how important it is to take action when something moves us. Whether your family holiday traditions include adopting a less fortunate family, helping stock food pantries or just taking cookies to your neighbors, this season is a great opportunity to reach out and make a difference, lighten someone’s load and brighten someone’s day.
Here’s to embracing life’s full circle moments and the magic of the season!
I recently received an unexpected but deeply appreciated note. A vendor from Femail Creations took the opportunity to drop me an email after reading my blog to thank me for being in the catalog and to let me know just how much that exposure meant to their company. I happened to read the note at the end of very long day, and the sentiment couldn’t have arrived at a better time. It meant the world to me to be reminded that the work I have been doing for more than a decade matters and has made a difference.
It was a great reminder to me to reach out and let those who have impacted my life know just how grateful I am. I came across this video recently that is a shinning example of just that. Maybe its because my Dad was a teacher for 40 years that this video about appreciation struck such a deep chord with me? Or perhaps it is the season of thankfulness in the air. Whatever moved me so, I wanted to share it with you and I hope you will share it with others. Turn up your volume and enjoy this video!
Maybe it was the email from my sister wondering if I thought she could get the $8,000 tax credit for a bunker instead of a house—such have been her trials and tribulations lately—she wanted to hunker down until it was all over. Maybe it was the sense that so many of us feel like we have gone down the proverbial rabbit hole this year? Whatever the reason, I was inspired by Alice In Wonderland when it came time to dress up for Halloween this year!
So alas that was the theme for this years Spooky Golf foursome costume. As you can see our foursome includes Alice (yours truly), the Mad Hatter, (aka my hubby Jeff) and our friends Linda and Frank as the Queen of Hearts and the Rabbit.
The trick was getting Frank’s giant rabbit head into the golf cart. The treat was winning top prize at the Halloween Party for the third year in a row!
I am working on my next book and I want YOU to be in it!
So many of us are running on empty and are in desperate need of a refill.
Some of us have learned how to refuel, but most of us are still in the process of figuring that out.
How did we end up engrained with the message we had to put everyone else first? Have you paid a price for burning the candle at both ends? Share with me how you lost your way, the consequences of spreading yourself too thin, and how you found your way back.
I would love to hear your story!
Email me via the contact page on my blog or at femailfacebook@gmail.com
In Nevada we don’t have the lottery, we have Mega Bucks—a progressive slot machine game—it may not be 300 million dollars, but it is certainly enough to change your life.
I am not a real gambler but whenever we go to the movies we walk right past the Mega Bucks machines and I like to put in a few bucks and fantasize about winning!
So every now and then I like to do what I call my “Mega Bucks Litmus Test”.
It goes a little something like this…I ponder what I would do if I actually won Mega Bucks.
Over the years there have been times I wouldn’t change a thing. There have been times I would make radical changes. And there have been times I would only make slight modifications to my life. But what I have learned about myself is that this somewhat silly Mega Bucks Litmus Test actually has merit.
Life is too short to wait for our 10 million dollar ship to come in! Whenever I mull over my Mega Bucks Litmus Test I inevitably end up course correcting and adjusting the sails on the ship of my life.
